Well Trevor will be leaving 10 days from today... I can't even believe it. Part of me is clinging to time and begging God to slow down our time and the other part of me is ready for him to leave. That sounds crazy, huh? Those of you who are military wives who have gone through a deployment probably understand that statement because there comes a point (at about 3 weeks for us) where it is almost more difficult to keep waiting. We both get more anxious as it gets closer, mostly about the unknown. Trevor wonders what it will be like and is dealing with the mix of being excited and anxious at the same time. He still tells people how his time in Iraq on 2008 was one of the best experiences of his life, but here was a huge difference, he was single. When he left for Iraq he put all of his belongings in storage and the only thing he had to think about back home was calling his parents at least once a week on Saturdays. As we prepare for this deployment, we have lists on our refrigerator of "honey do's" for Trevor to get done before he leaves, only they aren't "petty" chores around the house, they are things that he wants to ensure get done so that he can have peace of mind that I will be safe at home while he is gone... Just a few examples are creating updated POA documents and writing a will. I haven't ever had a will in my life! He also has to worry about things on the house such as making sure our alarm system is up to date, installing extra motion lights on the outside of our home so that I can see when I come home at night, and even things like making sure we have a fire extinguisher around the house and a "plan" of what I would do if someone tried to break in. Above all of these things though, my husband has to do one of the hardest things any man will ever have to do in preparing to leave... he has to write what we call a "What if..." letter. How does a husband even begin in writing a letter to his bride in the event that he would be killed serving in Afghanistan? It's hard for me to even go down that road with my thoughts so I think my blog is going to end right here for today...I will write more about how I've been dealing with this pre-deployment season soon. I am def to the point where I have accepted that my husband is going to leave for 7 months, I just feel like there are several unknowns in how we will be able to communicate and how safe he will be at the base he will report to. Please pray for the next 10 days to be sweet and full of lifelong memories for Trevor and I are we prepare to send him off.
Thankfully, we have been blessed with the most amazing friends. As I'm sitting here writing this blog post, Sophie jumped off the bed and ran to the door because someone was outside. As I got to the door, someone had left the most adorable pumpkin pot with flowers inside and a sweet card for us with a gift card to Red Lobster. This is actually the 3rd day in a row that Trevor and I have come home and had a sweet encouraging gift on our door step from anonymous people. It means the world to us that our friends would take the time to do leave such encouraging gifts with creative date nights in it for us so that we can make the next 10 days special! We love you all... whoever you are ;)
My next blog post will include pics of these adorable gifts of encouragement!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Blessed Be Your Name
I know this is a very late entry...about 33 days to be exact. On August 12, 2011 we prepared to welcome Lilianna Rose Walker into the world as we arrived at the hospital at 6:00am. At that time it was only Dale and Quinn and my husband, Trevor and I. We tried to "coast" through the time while Quinn got ready to be prepared for surgery by chatting about life and even laughing together, which was difficult because everyone had their own fears, questions, and anticipation in their minds as we anxiously waited for the surgeon to tell us that it was time for Quinn to go. Not even 30 minutes after we got to the hospital, our pastor showed up to join us as we waited...we prayed and then went back to chatting about life to pass the time. Izzy and Sophia along with their grandparents came and brought JOY to the room as Quinn got to watch her girls dance around without a worry on their mind; Izzy was very excited about her baby sister being born and even the thought of knowing she was going to to heaven to be made perfect.
We all anxiously waited to hear from them while Quinn was in surgery having her c-section and I remember just stopping to pray constantly. It was as if our conversations with people in the room were interupted by constant prayers flowing through our minds. We received our first picture from Dale in a text telling us that Lily had been born and she was absolutely beautiful. I remember wondering whether she was still alive or if she had already gone to heaven since her eyes were closed (like most newborns) in the picture. As we walked to go see Dale and Quinn, I prepared myself for the worst. I prayed that that they would have time with her and thanked God for what He had already given them, but I was still pleading for more time. Please Lord, just another hour... I remember walking in the recovery room and seeing Quinn smiling down at Lily with the biggest glow I've ever seen on her face. She was a new mama. A very proud mama. And she was ready to show off Lilianna Rose. I remember tears flowing down my face as Trevor and I got to meet Lily for the first time. She was perfect.
The next few hours were amazing. Everyone in the room, including doctors were blown away that Lily had been with us for 5 hours. 6 hours. 7 hours. 8 hours. Doctors began looking into medical interventions and things they may have "missed" on the ultrasound because they could not fathom how Lily was still taking breaths on her own in her mommy's arms. After several other tests, they determined that she could live anywhere from hours to a few days.
At one point, I was standing in the hallway with Izzy when she started crying and came over to sit on my lap. She put her arms around my neck and squeezed me. As she looked up to me and asked "Is Lily going to heaven to be with Jesus soon?" all I could think about was her child like faith. I told her that only the Lord knows when Lily would be called home with Him and she said "but then she will be perfect, right Allison?" What is it about children that makes their faith so strong? That day I prayed that everyone in the room would experience the faith that Izzy has come to believe in in such a short time of learning about her Savior.
And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.- Matthew 18:3
Trevor and I stayed with Dale, Quinn, and Lilianna as the grandparents took two very tired girlies home for the night to rest and get some dinner. One of the best memories of this entire day was getting to take pictures and video of Dale giving his new little angel a bath. Quinn got to share stories of him giving the other girls baths right after they were born and I remember her saying what a blessing it was to be given the opportunity to have these "firsts" with Lily as they did with Izzy and Sophia! Keep in mind, Quinn went through major abdominal surgery only hours before this bath with little to no pain meds by choice, and she was determined to be a part of her first and only bath! This picture just makes me tear up because this is one of the biggest smiles I've ever seen on Dale's face... it's always the biggest when it has to do with one of his girls :) This was also the first time they got to weigh her...3.6lbs! She was so beautiful!
Trevor and I both took turns holding Lily for the first time and I just remember how incredibly blessed I felt that we were able to not only meet Lilianna Rose, but to spend so much quality time with her as she met her mama, daddy, sisters, and grandparents. After the "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep" photo session, Trevor and I left for the night around 10pm when the grandparents came back to give them some alone time with Lily, Dale, and Quinn. We got home from the hospital and crashed... This was the first time we had left the hospital in about 16 hours and we just talked about how much we love the Walker family all the way home. We slept for about 3 hours when we got a phone call from Dale asking us to come back to the hospital with a sense of panic in his voice. Again, as we walked into the room, we didn't know if God had called her home by that point and prepared ourselves for the chance that He had. Trevor and I spent the last hour of Lily's life surrounding and holding Dale and Quinn as they held their baby girl in their arms and watched her take her last breaths. As I sat there with Quinn I remember feeling an peace in the room. I remember thinking in my mind: This is family. Intimate family. I also remember that I didn't feel pressure to say "the right thing" or even say anything at all, but instead that just sitting in silence with one another was enough. It was perfect.
Lilianna Rose Walker was born on August 12, 2011 and went to be with our Savior on August 13, 2011 in the arms of her mommy and daddy. It took me so long to write this blog because I just kept telling myself that nothing that I wrote would provide even a glimpse of the blessing that Trevor and I were a part of. I didn't feel as if I could give Lilianna the words that her sweet life deserves or the words that describe the love and grace of the Lord. During our sermon at church this Sunday, our pastor shared this quote:
"God Never Wastes A Hurt"
And that was true with Lilianna. We were hurting on August 12, 2011 and we continue to hurt. Trevor and I continue to grieve with the Walkers because Lily is their sweet daughter that we may not get to spoil on her birthdays or hear about her first day of school, but her life and her death (God calling her home) was not a waste. We are still able to love and cherish her and remember those 14 hours that we had with her. God did so much through Lilianna's life and more than we will ever know. Her story made medical professionals, friends, and co-workers ask questions about God and even seek Him for their own salvation. Her testimony shared by her mommy and daddy will forever touch people's lives and lead them to the Lord. Dale and Quinn have been such a testimony to God's love and grace and it has been incredible to watch them trust in Him and believe that He is good all the time. On the day Lilianna Rose was born, God was good and on the day that Lilianna Rose died, God was still good.
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."- John 16:33
Trevor and I absolutely love Dale, Quinn, and their three daughters: Isabella Lauren, Sophia Grace, and Lilianna Rose. Being invited to walk alongside them during such an intimate time in their lives has been such a blessing and it makes us realize how thankful we are for them. Driving home from the hospital, I remember looking at Trevor and saying "We can't PCS (move, for my non-military friends) without the Walker's. We just can't." We already couldn't imagine moving away from them when it comes time for the military to move us, but now it is just unbearable to even think about. I want to continue to live life with them and experience JOY and grief together. Trevor has made comments so many times about how much he looks up to Dale as a father and that means the world to me. Quinn lives for her girls...she is ALL mom and they are both such good examples of godly parents and I can't imagine having our first baby without them there. All babies are special and a gift from God...whether you are called to carry them during pregnancy, called to love them for minutes to days, or called to parent them for a lifetime. Thank you Lord for your love, faithfulness, and goodness!
To the Walkers...We love all 5 of you!
Costa Rica: Anniversary trip!
We got back from Costa Rica last week and it was the most amazing week of the year! We went during over 1 year wedding anniversary and about one month prior to Trevor deploying to Afghanistan, it was truly perfect timing! I posted pics on Facebook already, but wanted to have a few on my blog as well!
These pics are from the first day we got to our resort in Guanacaste, Costa Rica! This was our little private villa that we had in the back of the resort and our view from the villa :) This was absolute serenity... love!
These pictures are from an all day tour that we went on that took us to the Arenal Volcano, one of the most active volcanos in the world. It was amazing! It was about 3 hours away and we took a tour bus up the mountain! These pics are from the hotsprings at the base of the volcano as well...it was so so cool! 25 different pools of hotsprings with 12 different temperatures...it was SO relaxing!
These are right before we went ziplining! We rode on the gondola up the mountain and into the rainforest...this was such a CRAZY experience to be in a REAL rainforest...when we looked down, we couldn't even see the ground, just trees because we were on top of them all :) Amazing views!
Wheeeee! This was absolutely insane! We ended up zipling down about 8 different cables! We started off with two "test" cables to make sure we knew what we were doing and check the safety of the equipment. On the third cable, we came out into the middle of the rainforest and I just remember thinking "Oh my goodness, I could actually die right now if I fell" and I was terrified to look down. Trevor said I pretty much screamed the entire way through the rainforest LOL! But in my defense, he was completely freaked out at that first real cable too ;) We also got stuck in a thunderstorm on about the 4th cable...absolutely terrifying because we were about 700 feet in the air in the middle of the rainforest with rain, thunder, and lightening! One of the cables we actually zipped approximately 2,200 feet at about 50mph in pouring down rain...
Just us :) We got to take a TON of pictures while we there with my new camera and Trevor was so very patient with me ;) He knows that pictures are so important to me, especially for our anniversary and right before he leaves.
This trip was incredible. It was exactly what we needed for our marriage and for the pre-deployment stage that we were about to begin. Our life at Fort Hood has been pretty fast paced since we got married and I moved here about a year ago and this vacation was such a blessing. We were able to shut the rest of the world out and just focus on "us" time. Instead of laying on the couch on our phones or laptops at night, we sat outside on our porch and listened to to the waves hit the rocks and state out at the ocean outside of our villa. Thank you God for providing such a relaxing and much needed vacation for our marriage :)
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