Called To The Crazy

Anyone who is a mommy can relate to the fact that it has taken me a long time to find time to sit down and write about Landon's birth! I mean... blogging is important, however, when little man is asleep or occupied things like preparing meals for our family, showers (lol), or even taking a stroll around Target for my sanity all trump blogging right now! I've had several people ask about Landon's birth story though and it is such a sweet story and so important, that I wanted to make sure I share it <3

On May 31st, I woke up at 3am with contractions, real contractions. I had been in the "pre labor" stage for 5 days at this point where I would have contractions on and off and was up every night in pain, but something was different about the contractions this night...they could be timed! Throughout my third trimester I would ask friends (or really anyone that would listen!) how people knew what "real" contractions were and if I would for sure know when they hit. I kept getting the same response from everyone "Oh, you'll know, don't worry!" At the time, I found this answer annoying and unhelpful (just being honest lol). At 3am that night, my contractions felt like really intense menstrual cramps in my back and lower abdomen just as they had for the past 5 days, but tonight I was able to time them at approximately 15 min apart. Then 8 min. Then 15 min again. Then 9 min. You get the point! Active labor was finally starting...but slowly! Trevor got up with me at 6am and called into the squadron to tell them it was finally "game time!" I had an appointment that morning with Dr. Wheat (our favorite doctor) who checked me and confirmed that active labor was starting and told me I was making good progress. She told us she was on call for labor and delivery all weekend and jokingly said "See you tonight, please not at 2am ;)" Well, you can imagine what happens when you say something like that! My contractions got closer together and more intense throughout the day. By 5pm, they were 5 minutes apart and 45-60 seconds long so we called our doula, Angie. Angie was such a blessing throughout my pregnancy as we met together to talk about pregnancy and the delivery. She was so patient with me as I asked all the first time mom questions and had all the worries/concerns that first time moms have and she was always full of very helpful information! Angie came over around 530pm and helped Trevor and I as I went through the most intense contractions I had felt up that point. Her and Trevor took turns rubbing my back, giving me cool wash cloths, suggesting different positions, etc. By this point, Trevor had been by my side alone through contractions for over 12 hours and I'm sure that he was getting tired! After laboring at home for about 2 more hours, we decided it was time to go to the hospital. That was the longest the drive around the flight line on base has ever felt! Contractions were about 3-4 minutes apart and lasting 60 seconds. My back labor was so bad that I could barely sit still without wanting to cry. Most of you know that I have had chronic back pain since high school so it didn't surprise us that I labored mostly in my back, what did surprise us, was the intensity.  We got to the hospital and I was checked by the nurse (5cm dilated...wohooo) and checked in to a delivery room! By 8pm, I truly felt like my back could not handle anymore contractions and feared that if I did not accept pain medication that I would have worse chronic back pain than I already had. Trevor I decided together that it was best to get an epidural and Angie was extremely supportive of our decision even though that was not a part of our birth plan as she knew I wanted to try without pain medication. I thought I would be disappointed if I wasn't able to deliver without pain meds, but I wasn't. I was happy to have made it 17 hours of active labor without any medication and felt that this was the best choice for the rest of the delivery! I remember, all I could think and recite out loud during the epidural was Philippians 4:13... "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". Our biggest part of our birth plan was that God would be present through all of my labor and delivery and he absolutely was! We could feel his peaceful presence even in the midst of such pain! After getting the epidural, I was in labor another 11 hours before I started pushing. Once pushing began, the epidural began to wear off and I pushed for 2.5 hours! I never understood how women could actually push for hours, but I now know it is 100% possible and actually quite common for first babies! 

We are so thankful that Dr. Wheat was on call for Landon's birth! She goes to our church and was such a blessing to us throughout my entire pregnancy as our doctor. She did of course joke about it being 2am when she got called in to deliver Landon ;) During the pushing, she sat on the bottom of my bed almost the entire 2.5 hours encouraging me through each contraction and push, I don't think that's normal for a doctor to stay with you the entire time, but it was again, such a blessing to us! Trevor was right by my side the entire time and even though he had said he wasn't going to watch the birth, curiosity def took over and he did ;) He was right there with Dr. Wheat watching Landon's head and then body come out as I pushed, it was incredible! Angie was also right there with us helping in every way she could by offering encouraging words as well as providing awesome comfort techniques. Trevor and I are so thankful that we had Angie as our doula. At first we weren't sure about having someone else with us during such an intimate time, but her being there allowed Trevor to focus 100% on me and Landon. He was my rock and encouraged me through the entire delivery! 

Landon was born at 10:43am on June 1, 2013! 

As soon as he came out, Dr. Wheat noticed that he had pooped while in the womb and immediately cut the cord & handed him over to be checked to make sure he didn't aspirate on any meconium. 

After they checked him and weighed him, they handed him over to me for skin to skin time and to begin nursing. 








As we started nursing, I just sat there in awe over our sweet baby boy. He was absolutely perfect and we were so thankful. I still couldn't believe that this precious life came from my womb and that he was all ours.  All of a sudden the nurse standing next to my bed looked down at Landon and yelled "Oh my gosh, he's blue" and grabbed him out of my arms. My heart sank into my stomach. What was going on? Why was our baby blue? How did I not even notice that he had stopped breathing while nursing? The nurse began checking for a pulse as Trevor ran out of the room yelling for help. Thankfully, Dr. Helo (one of the pediatricians) just happened to be on labor and delivery (really by the grace of God) doing a circumcision at that time and came running into the room. All I could see is our sweet baby boy laying on the table not breathing surrounded by doctors and nurses. In that moment, I felt like I was going to hyperventilate. I was absolutely hysterical. To this day, I'm not sure if I was screaming, crying, or moaning...but I was hysterical. Trevor sat next to me gripping my hand and praying for Landon as they bagged him to "breathe for him". After what felt like hours (really only 2-3 minutes), he began breathing on his own again. Praise JESUS! I was so so thankful but still so scared. Dr. Wheat came over and prayed over Trevor and I as we started to calm down now, it was such a sweet moment. We had no idea why he stopped breathing and I immediately felt like it was my fault because I was nursing when it happened. The doctors and nurses assured me that there was no way it was due to the way we were nursing and decided it would be best to transfer him to the NICU to be monitored until they knew what was wrong and why he stopped breathing. I requested that he be sent to Memorial Hospital in Gulfport since I work there and trust the NICU staff with our boy. As they prepped him for the transport, Trevor helped me get up and into a wheelchair to go see him before he left. It was so hard to see him connected to all the wires and not be able to hold him in my arms, but we knew this was what was best for him and that he would be in good hands. My heart sunk again when the ambulance came to pick him up and I had to say bye to my precious boy that I just brought into this world less than an hour before & only held for moments in my arms. After they left, Trevor and I just sat in the hospital room speechless. Giving birth and then not having your baby with you is not something you prepare for in pregnancy. I had prepared to be nursing him and have him with us "rooming in" for the remaining 2 days at the hospital but God had another plan. 

Dr. Wheat visiting with Landon <3 

Such sweet moments before he was transported to the NICU

Spending time with daddy <3 

That night Trevor left to go see Landon at the NICU. I could not be released from Keesler yet. Dr. Wheat said she would release me early after 24 hours instead of 48, but it was still too early for my own safety to leave that night. I was so thankful that Trevor could go be with Landon that night, I wanted him to have one of us with him while in the NICU by himself. It absolutely broke my heart to think of him being separated from us so early after being born :( I laid in the hospital bed and felt so alone. One of the nurses came in and said there was someone here to see me and I asked her to kindly tell them that I was not ready for visitors. I had not showered and didn't know who was outside the door. When she came back she said "Umm they said they are here from Texas to see you". Huh??? I told her to go ahead and let them in then. The Brown's (a sweet family we were close to at Fort Hood) stopped in Biloxi for the night to come see us. When they heard Landon was headed to the NICU, they wanted to stop by and see how we were doing. This blessed me in so many ways. I remember thinking if we were in Texas when I delivered that there would be so many people we loved sitting outside in the waiting room and I was feeling so lonely thinking about it. God knew I needed them that night and that piece of home in that moment! They came in to visit and stayed with me until Trevor came back with pictures and videos of our little guy! My heart felt so much better once I got to see him! <3 

He didn't like his Oxygen! 

He knew it was his daddy there with him that night visiting <3 

That night Trevor went to get his parents from the airport and they came to visit the next morning. I was so thankful they were there so quickly to be with us during this time. That morning Dr. Wheat came in and discharged me so I could go see Landon and we headed straight for the NICU! The next 5 days were a whirlwind of driving back and forth to the NICU 2-3 times per day to spend hours with Landon! 

I was trying to breastfeed as much as possible which was a challenge after our immediate separation after birth. The lactation consultants there helped us so much! I was also pumping when I wasn't at the hospital and taking milk to feed him. It was very stressful but we were just so thankful he was at such a good hospital and being well taken care of. After several days of monitoring, tests, etc the NICU specialist determined that he just had a bad transition (aka delivery) and stopped breathing due to the transition. The physician assured us that he did not anticipate another apnea episode and felt that he was ready to go home with us after 5 days. Those were 5 of the longest days of our lives and we were so excited to bring our boy home!

Time to go home!! :) 

We finally got to put him in our "take home" outfit :)

One very happy mama! :) 

What's this seat mama?! I think I like it :)

Our little munchkin is already 6 weeks old and I have no idea where the time has gone! He's laying on my chest in our Baby K'Tan carrier as I type :)  I am loving being a mommy, it has been such a sweet & fun adventure! Trevor and I never thought we could love someone other than each other so much <3 Next post will be about Landon's first 6 weeks, get ready for photo overload ;)