Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Choosing Joy

The holidays inherently produce joy, right?! Wrong. Sometimes you must CHOOSE joy...even when you don't feel that joy some days.

It surprises me every year to hear that others around me aren't just floating through the holiday season full of natural joy either. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Christmas and I rejoice in the meaning of Christmas and love the traditions that go along with it. Unfortunately, it is also those traditions that make this season hard. Very hard. I knew going into this time of the year that it would be an emotional and difficult season for me because they always are...every holiday since January 27, 2009 has been turned into a bittersweet day.  Since January 27, 2009 I have loved celebrating the birth of Jesus, Thanksgiving, and birthdays...Unfortunately, I also grieve the traditions that go along with these joyous days and it's some of those traditions that I miss and long for.

Would it be easier to be JOYFUL during these holidays if I focused more on the REASON for the holiday than on the traditions that come with it that I miss so dearly?

After Trevor and I got married, the holidays didn't necessarily get easier, they were just different in the way that it was easier for me to find JOY in them! I had someone to celebrate these old traditions with as well as create new ones for our new family :) I have so much to be thankful for and when the person you love more than anyone on this earth is next to you, going through and even feeling the pain of these days with you, it is easier to find and feel that joy. Well this year, that person is over 7,000 miles away. 7,000 miles.... That is a lot of miles. Because of this distance, I have to choose joy. I don't say this lightly because honestly, even when I wake up in the morning saying that I am choosing to be joyful and thankful for this day, I don't always feel it. And it's okay if we don't always feel the things we believe, as long as we can choose to believe them despite our emotions. I shared with a friend last week that after my mom died, I didn't feel cherished. I was without a doubt my mama's number #1 priority on this earth and I know that she loved and cherished me more than anything on this side of Heaven. When I met my husband, I remembered what it was like to be someone's #1, as silly as that sounds. Trevor is so good at verbally affirming his love for me and how much he treasures me as his wife and I was quickly reminded of that need that I had that was now being filled by my husband. Well now that my sweet husband has been apart from me for 3 months, it is easy to feel as if I am grieving two people. Two people who I love so much. I have said this before and I'll say it again...Deployment is NOT a tragedy, but it is a loss. I have temporarily lost someone I love to this war. My husband is absolutely amazing and does such a good job of encouraging me, even from 7,000 miles away, I just simply miss having him in my presence.

These are a few things I've been reminded of this season...

The Lord cherishes me. He loves me. He treasures me. He will never leave or forsake me. He is the one I need to call out to when I am in a season of being alone and when my husband is here beside me. It is so easy as wives to expect our husbands to comfort us, carry our burdens, have all the answers to what we are struggling with, and encourage us. Unfortunately, no matter how amazing our husbands are, those are unrealistic expectations for ANY human being. God does instruct us to go to our husbands for encouragement and comfort, etc but He calls us to HIM to take refuge in and call out to. That's why we have a Savior...His name is Jesus.

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