Monday, October 31, 2011

A new tug at my heart

Just when I thought I was in a good rythym blogging, I stop...what's up with that? Well I have definately had a lot of "ups and downs" over the last month and I just can't allow myself to blog until I am able to write intentionally and articulate my thoughts, not just puke out a bunch of emotions onto my keyboard! I never want to write when I am an emotional mess because that's not helpful for anyone to read...especially because so many of my friends are going through this same season of deployment!

I have been feeling a light tug over the past few months and it wasn't until recently that I was able to identify what that tug was...until it became a not so light tug. As I've written before, when an opportunity for a Hospice position came open, I was not completely sure about it because I didn't know what my comfort level would be with my own experience as a family member of a previous hospice patient. I quickly fell in love! God has surrounded Trevor and I with suffering over the past few months and a suffering that is deeply rooted. Two friends who I am very close to had to say goodbye to their babies the day they were born and now they are clinging to the truth that they receive from God's word but are also learning how to work through their grief. As I was walking through this with these two families, I was desperately wanting to be able to relate in some way, even though I am not a mother. I read two books that really helped my perspective and at least gave me a better glimpse of what they were going through. I would recommend both of these books to anyone who has lost someone important in their lives or even if you just want to know more how to relate to and love your friends who have lost someone.

"I will carry you" - Angie Smith
"Holding onto Hope"- Nancy Guthrie

Grief is natural, even if you are a believer and have peace about your loved one going to Heaven, you still grieve. And you should! My favorite part of working on the hospice unit has been listening to people tell stories of their loved ones lives and working through the aniticpation of end of life and beginning that "anticipatory" stage of grief.

"Grief is painful. Grief is unpredictable. Grief involves surprises. The way out of grief is through it"(author unknown)

I just have a desire and craving to learn more about grief and loss and how to work through grief biblically. God gives us a complete handbook of promises, commands, and instructions on how to live our lives to glorify Him and in that, we can learn how to work through grief as well. Why woudn't we use that? The same God who put us on this earth takes us to Heaven...and that same God gives us His word to live by. I know that after my mom passed away, I literally do not know how I would have continued living if it wasn't for the hope I have in the Lord. I know that's a scary statement, but it's true. So many counselors are afraid to address someone's spirituality in fear that they will be crossing a boundary, but how do you get down to the core of someone's grief without opening up that door and diving right in?

I'm not sure where God is leading me in this, but I want to learn more. I want to gain a better understanding of biblical counseling focusing specifically on grief and loss, whether that's through classes or books on my own! Maybe I am being called to provide grief and loss counseling as a career or maybe it's simply to broaden my understanding so that I can help, love, and serve my friends and family as they experience loss. 

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.- John 16:33

 God has shown his faithfulness & goodness to us through the stories of my beautiful mama, Lilianna Rose, and Gracen Faith to reveal this to me and I am forever thankful for each one of their precious lives.

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